Howdy, Gang!
Club Jane is hosting an open mic stage!
No cover!….. No 3 drink minimum!
I can’t bear the thought of another election story or another pandemic thread.
We need to laugh now more than ever!!!!
Give us your best joke!!!!
Allow me, your hostess with the mostest, get things started!
Missing Wife
Les Fisher went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife Beverly is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F 150 King Ranch 4 X 4 with eco-boost 5.0L V 8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
Lion Tamer Wanted
A circus owner runs an advert for a ‘lion tamer wanted’ and two people showed up.
One was a retired golfer in his late-sixties and the other was a drop dead, gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment — a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”
The gorgeous brunette says, “I’ll go first.”
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles.
He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor! He says, “That’s amazing! I’ve never seen anything like that in my life!”
He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?”
The old golfer replies, “Possibly… But, you’ve got to get that lion out of there first.”
Calamity Jane