Don’t be surprised when a feral rips your face off while stealing your mask
With Trump now calling mask-wearing “patriotic,” and Biden demanding all Americans wear a mask always outdoors for at least the next three months, it would appear masks are set to become even more ubiquitous on the streets and in the stores and restaurants of America.
Michael Maharrey is not a big fan of masks. They are uncomfortable. They are inconvenient. And they are incredibly ugly.
But my opinion notwithstanding, it doesn’t look like masking is going away anytime soon, so we have to find ways to cope with it. A couple of weeks ago, I explained how I was having a little fun with the mask requirements here in Nassau County, Florida.
Well, in Turkey, they have actually found a way to address the ugly issue.
Turkish brides are donning gold masks.
I don’t mean gold-colored masks. That would still be ugly. I’m talking about actual 22-karat and 14-karat gold masks.
They are truly beautiful.
Of course, like most things made of gold, a gold wedding mask will set you back more than a few bucks. Prices range from $1,500 to over $10,000.
Gold was already an important part of Turkish wedding traditions. Family members and guests typically gift the bride with a set of gold jewelry and other pieces of gold on her wedding day. I have to say, this beats the heck out of a toaster.
Now, will a gold mask protect you from the ‘rona?
I have no clue.
I’m not altogether convinced that a regular medical mask will protect you from the virus. I mean, I can’t rule it out because I’m not an expert in virology or masking. But the studies seem to be mixed at best. I do know this though — if you wear the gold mask below your nose, it will be totally ineffective.
And this seems to be the preferred mask-wearing strategy. Or else around your chin. There is a baseball player for the Tampa Bay Ray – Yandy Diaz – who wears a mask during — below his nose. This completely flummoxed me. But to each their own, I guess.
But, in case that wasn’t enough for you, AP reports that an Israeli jewelry company is working on what it says will be the world’s most expensive coronavirus mask, a gold, diamond-encrusted face covering with a price tag of $1.5 million.
The 18-karat white gold mask will be decorated with 3,600 white and black diamonds and fitted with top-rated N99 filters at the request of the buyer, said designer Isaac Levy.
- “Money maybe doesn’t buy everything, but if it can buy a very expensive COVID-19 mask and the guy wants to wear it and walk around and get the attention, he should be happy with that,” Levy said.
He declined to identify the buyer, but said he was a Chinese businessman living in the United States.
I can think of one huge plus to a massively expensive gold or diamond mask. I’m pretty certain people won’t throw them on the ground in the Walmart parking lot.