Ya Know What Offends Me?

Repost of August 19, 2019 original article by Calamity Jane

Each day, I wake up and surf the internet news sites. It seems as though every single day I read an article extolling the reasons why some minute sliver of society is offended. The “Offended” take to the social media sites to voice their displeasure. Tweeting this and tweeting that on their Twitter account, then posting their perceived injustices to their precious Facebook pages.

This country is a gift that I give thanks for every day. I’m thankful for the right to free speech. Nobody ever asks me what I’m offended by….Here’s my list.

• Offended by those shitty little cars that cut you off in traffic while displaying a “Co-Exist” bumper sticker
• Offended by rude obnoxious people who think they are the only souls in the known universe and we need to clear a wide path for them
• Offended by the constant parade of “talking heads” on TV (BTW…..I’ve quit watching)
• Offended by thin-crust pizza
• Offended by people who think that they were the only kid at birthday party that didn’t get the extra cookie when they were 3 years old and 50 years later take it out on the rest of us
• Offended by people who are always offended over some trivial issue

• Offended by inconsiderate shoppers who always leave their carts blocking the aisles
• Offended by every little smug bastard that thinks he knows more than everyone else
• Offended by the politically correct crowd. Say what is on your mind and then at least we’ll know where ya stand!
• Offended by the garbage which passes as today’s music. I don’t want to hear the argument that each generation’s standard of music is different…….In another 30 years Elvis, The Beatles, Dave Brubeck, Miles Davis, Willie and Waylon, Patsy Cline, Garth Brooks, and Earl Klugh will still sound great. (Treat yourself to Earl’s Blue Note recordings if you’ve never heard of him).
• Offended by women who wear WAY too much perfume
• Offended by men who wear WAY too much cologne
• Offended by smokers in general
• Offended by runners in general
• Offended by idiots at work who only look busy when the boss is around
• Offended by middle management who think the laziest most incompetent workers are their best employees (see above)
• Offended by everyone being offended (I’m offended because I may have repeated myself)

• Offended by ANYONE named Abdul or Mohammed
• Offended by people who have money and flaunt it
• Offended by people who think that because they have money they are better than the rest of us
• Offended by Kazakhstan, Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, and anybody named “Stan”.
• Offended by Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook
• Offended by having to pay $65,000 for a new car because all of the “really cool” (and expensive) features aren’t in the standard options package….I don’t need a BluTooth connection, multiple DVD players, AND I don’t need a backup camera, fer cryin’ out loud!
• Offended by hybrid vehicles
• Offended by designated parking places for “fuel efficient” vehicles
• Offended by anyone who drives an Escalade
• Offended by the Romulans
• Offended by the fact that if a liberal doesn’t like something, they want it banned. But, if conservative doesn’t like something, we are told by the liberals to “deal with it”.

• Offended by Quentin Tarantino and his shitty movies
• Offended over having the LBGT movement ram their agenda down my throat….I DON’T CARE what these people do. Just don’t bother me with it.
• Offended over every television show including the obligatory gay character………What does this really add to the plot?
• Offended by laugh track on TV sitcoms
• Offended over the Hollywood types that tell me what I should think.
• Offended by cheap tequila (the beverage, not the Johnny Winter song)
• Offended by warm beer
• Offended by Mr. Haney……..NOT Mr. Drucker
• Offended by the Global Warming alarmists……er…..Excuse me, that is Climate Change (for this week anyway!)
• Offended by people who aren’t responsible dog owners. How difficult is it to clean up after your pet in a public place?

• Offended by those Spandex wearin’, Woody Woodpecker helmeted bicyclists with those uber-cool mirrored sunglasses who won’t move over onto the berm and ride.
• Offended by The Klingons (not those kind)
• Offended by the incompetent members of Congress. They will say anything to get elected and once they ARE elected, forget that they were put there to do the “work of and for the people”.
• Offended that there are no term limits for most elected officials
• Offended by elected officials who pander to the illegal aliens and, again, forget who they really work for……Are ya hearin’ me Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Shumer, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez?
• Offended by Hillary Clinton
• Offended by Yosemite Sam
• Offended by Muslims who insist on Sharia Law being the law of the land. No one forced you to come here, Jihad-Boy. If ya don’t like our legal system, go back to the shit-hole you came from.
• Offended by every minority group that is offended that I’m not offended

Yeah, I’m offended too, over a myriad of stuff……. There is no shortage of petty issues to be offended over.…….

At least I’m providing a list.

Hope I didn’t offend anybody.

What offends you?

Calamity Jane