The Trouble with Winter
Have you ever been watching TV enjoying anything except the major channels moronic offerings, sipping some bourbon, mulling over what needs to be done but deciding to fuck it off because you can? One of those lazy ass days when in fact you have actually gotten those things done you’ve been putting off but finally nailed and now there’s pretty much nothing that falls into the “small jobs” category, giving you that all too rare ability to give the entire planet the finger and simply enjoy yourself? You have? Well, I am envious of your position and status because I’m nowhere near that vaunted category at all! But in a concerted effort to emulate your life’s victory, I won’t do a fucking thing either! See? Everything works when you simply don’t give a highly magnified fuck about it at all!
So there’s not much to report on at present due to it being winter, and the cold weather post-holiday malaise has set in and I know it, I just don’t care. Now I could start railing about how much I hated democrats for being full blown communists who need to have their ass cheeks pulled apart with bulldozers and anally invaded with a plasma torch which is needed to cauterize the gaping wounds left by repeated applications of various garden tools to their heads, but after watching their current adoration and support for the largest purveyor of state sponsored terrorism and foaming drooling adoration for a piece of walking pig shit who lived to kill Americans and his own people just utterly astounded me.
Look, I know they were all corrupt ass pirates for the globalist elites who promised them wealth and power if they successfully completed a coup against our nation and got rid of a President Trump, I mean, they’re democrats! Being living examples of evolved bacteria and thinking nothing of destroying the best country in the world ever is what they do! Otherwise, they’d be Americans! Seriously. I get it! They chose communism because they’re under the mistaken impression the globalists will let them rule! The truth is they won’t let them live! They’re traitors! The globalists know that and know they can never be trusted, so they’ll kill them!
While that’s bad enough, now they’ve come out in full support of Iran! Remember Iran? Death to America Iran? Our own congress is actively supporting the Muslim nation that is working overtime to get a nuclear weapon to kill us with! They even passed a resolution to prevent Trump from stopping them! Our fucking elected officials! Our cock cavern congressional jihadists! The people who are supposed to protect America are telling Iran that they are doing everything in their power to weaken the President so millions of Americans can be incinerated! And doing it on television! No bones about it! What in the deep fried fuck is wrong with these people? Think of a reason they’re doing this! They are like a four year old pulling the pin on a frag grenade…..but supporting terrorism? See why it’s difficult to fathom? Who in their right mind would sacrifice millions of citizens of this country so they can “win”. Well, nobody in their right mind would. What’s nice is, in spite of the massive unending monumental gas lighting from the media whores, we know it ain’t gonna happen. Any fanatic will disagree and insist it will. Shoot those people in the face. They don’t deserve to live being that fucking dangerous.
Ahhhhh, fuck it! I was out in the shop earlier and I hear a scratching on the door so I opened it and there was this disheveled looking raccoon standing there and he says, “Hey! How’s about setting up a feeder for us raccoons like you have for those fucking yapping birds?” I said, “What? Are you serious?” He starts in about his shitty life in the woods, getting bitch slapped by unruly possums unwilling to share a dead fish they found, how the squirrel thinks he’s hot shit because he has a lot of food stored out of reach and tells the raccoon to fuck off every chance he gets. It’s cold, it’s rainy, it’s snowy, all of it. He starts getting pissed off because I tell him tough shit and close the door on him! He’s screeching now about his ex-wife’s demanding bread and all his babies ain’t got shit and the woods hates him because he’s a non-conformist and how he’s going to organize a woodland protest about the man keeping his raccoon ass down. He kept going like that, but it was getting dark and frankly he reminded me of liberals so right in mid-sentence I punted his scrawny ass over the fence and smiled as I heard him howling as he hit limbs and bushes then landed with a satisfying splash in the river. It was even better when I heard a chipmunk’s tiny voice yelling goooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaallllllllll! And other indications of muffled laughter from delighted creatures within earshot.
OK. The reason the birds get a feeder and the fucking illegal raccoons don’t is very simple. Because I said so. I don’t need a reason, because I own the woods. Most of the fauna know this, and that with a bulldozer and an afternoon of hard work, it could be bereft of anything they could call home. So they wisely keep their mandibles closed and enjoy what they have. The raccoon knows that if he doesn’t like it, he can pack his shit and leave, or find himself adorning my noggin at a Dave Crockett convention like his long lost cousin did.
So the rule of the day is my way or the highway and the highway is obviously not the best spot for a fucking loud mouthed disgruntled raccoon as evidenced by a shit ton of them deciding to end their lives as a welcome mat for local vultures. See? Tough love I know, but I don’t start shit as a rule, but I finish shit as a matter of course. So for now, we are stuck with sharia loving communist sphincter sniffing elitist fuck faces pretending to represent us in congress. It’s like watching a train wreck as they take turns promising to ruin our country with communism and do it by enlisting the help of a nuclear Iran! Sharia law! Even the fucking raccoon will say oh fuck no faced with that shit. Anyone would. The democrats haven’t jumped the shark, they ARE the shark and this insane attempt to rid themselves of President Trump at the expense of our nation is probably the most remarkably stupid thing I have ever witnessed. And conversely, the most dangerous. Ever. And I’ve seen some weird shit!
You see, the trouble with winter is there is not much to report from the woods. It’s rained harder than Nancy Pelosi pissing on a glass tabletop, and now the pucker factor of a very full and slowly rising river has my undivided attention due to the catastrophic flood we endured in ‘16. The birds can fly away. The squirrels are in their trees. The possum is in Cancun with this bitch he picked up down at fish and game. All but that fucking raccoon. He’s out there talking shit and blaming me for everything that’s wrong in his life. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, if the river spills its banks, I’ll just blame Trump. Or climate change. Yeah, that’s it. Climate change.
We were supposed to have the storm of the century today. Seventy feet of snow. 347 degrees below zero. Greta screeching how dare you every five seconds. Well, guess what? After all of that hoopla and build up, we got jack shit. Half inch of snow. 28 degrees. It’s called winter. With snow. And cold. And paying the UN isn’t going to change a fucking thing.
Remind me to hate them in the morning, would you?