Musings From Mossberg #18

You may have been exposed to Brazilian dust mites!

Have you ever been sitting around, fairly satisfied that your “honey do” list is reasonably complete, the dog and cat are fed and snoozing, it’s a crappy cold rainy day out and you’re glad you don’t have to venture out in it?  Got beer, whiskey, bacon, the house is warm and real cozy because you put the time in months ago to split that wood and stack it, then cover it with a tarp so you get dry nice wood to give your domain that extra bit of holiday cheer.  Oh yes, it’s nice, isn’t it? 

You sit in your favorite chair. You gave up on the internet because HughesNot High Speed charges you money to not have it. You’re tired of bitching about it knowing it’s that or nothing, so somehow you pay for nothing anyway.  HughesNot high speed is factually horrible as a business.  They know they hold all of the cards for rural dwellers who have no choice if they want at least ten days out of the month to have internet.  They’re like the dick who owns the only ferry boat and unless you give him what he wants you don’t get across the river.  You need to cross so you endure his abysmal service because you have little choice, until someone builds a bridge a quarter mile away.  Then he’s royally fucked.  I read where T-mobile is rigging up their current 5G dealy. I can’t wait to tell those pieces of runny giraffe shit who run HughesNot to stick a Titan missile up their ass and watch their business fold.  They remind me of AOL when they were the only game in town.  Look at them now.  Anyway, I digress. HughesNot is just a reminder of corporate excesses and unmitigated greed.  They will die on the vine due to their own hubris. Fuck them all.  But that’s not what I’m here to bitch about.

If there is any one group of people that need weaponized Ebola injected in their genitals, while rabid shrews chew their eyelids off, so finely ground glass can be poured on them and tamped down with a rubber mallet, while Finnish Boy Scouts shoot their sphincters off with rusty pellet guns as they hang upside down over a tractor tire fire screaming to be allowed to die! It’s those fucking smarmy irritating cocks with mouths, class action lawyers trolling for clients for some off-beat reason that you may have contracted a disease due to whatever they decide it is this week.  I realize that almost all of you practically break your thumbs by immediately mashing the mute button on the remote every time they stain your viewing pleasure on the TV. If by chance you don’t, have you ever actually listened to them? 

If you want to be astounded as to the depths of depravity a human being can sink to, Congress notwithstanding, because if you notice, I said human, not Congress, look no further than these fucking law firms trolling in every state, trumpeting that whatever malady they are telling you about, “may have been exposed to” or taken for some affliction that “you could be awarded potentially substantial compensation”, because they’re suing someone, but they need victims to “complete their charges in court!”

“Have you used baby powder on your bowser in the past three hundred years?  If you have, and a mysterious wart appeared on the left cheek of your ass, you need to call now and find out if it’s possible you may or may not be considered for substantial compensation!  Just call the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe at the Hotel Costa Plenty and one of our operators will hear your story! “

“If you have worked in the workplace at any time in your life, taken home a paycheck ever, driven a car or gone to the movies, you may have been exposed to Brazilian dust mites that carry a potentially lethal germ that will make your dick fall off while you are giving a presentation at your local Rotary Club!  Call our attorneys for a free consultation as long as you don’t call collect and our professionals will listen intently and write down your name to use in our lawsuit and then fucking forget you exist so we can keep any awards given by brain dead, progressive, anus-mouthed, shrimp dick jurors!” 

Or this one.  “A major pharmaceutical company has paid out billions for those who suffered from getting flowers delivered to them by accident and they walked by the product in a regional Walmart and may have been exposed to the toxic effects of shoe polish sold in Belgium in August of 2012. There is only so much left and you may be entitled to a substantial settlement if you call the number on the screen for a reasonably free consultation by a minimum wage telemarketer who is in the country illegally!  You must call now or you will miss your fucking chances you stump dumb idiots! We are doing this for money!  We could give a flat flying fuck if Aunt Hilda has giant goiters poking out of her yanker and immense ticks from a nuclear power plant are killing her pets!  Call you suckers!  Caaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll!”

What prompted this rant is the fucking moron who talks at 500 words a second in an effort to jam a full two minutes of commercial dialogue into 30 seconds because that’s all the air time they can afford.  This mutant, shit for brains, retard on crack, meth, and cocaine, all at the same time, seriously needs to be run over with farm implements, then pushed out the back of a cargo aircraft fastened at his ankles by a thin cable and flown into the side of the Grand Canyon at 300 knots and his remains boiled in a Yellowstone geothermal mudpot until the only thing left are his altered chromosomes blurping to the surface every 125 years or so, and even then when detected, they are beaten with sledge hammers welded by surly members of a Georgia chain gang. I’m serious. There is no possible way he can be understood much less listened to. 

Their trolling for victims of whatever the fuck they’re claiming is not being heard!  Thousands of hapless people who used a craftsman tool in 1965 will now suffer having a fully articulated hand grow out of their heads and give them the finger every time they look in the mirror!  If only they had known.  No wonder why they’re desperate for stupid people cash!  If this is their idea of fiscal responsibility they had better go back to their old jobs of being human urinals at a leather bar in Chicago and vie for that coveted spot that Blowbama held for years.  What in the medically induced fuck is wrong with these people?

A debilitating disease is horrible enough.  Promising people substantial compensation and then giving them a dollar forty one and some Star Wars Legos is criminal.  Money won’t make them better. They won’t make them better. They will however make substantial amounts of money using the names of the afflicted to bolster an incredibly weak case.  Roundup comes to mind.  Somebody used Roundup.  They contracted cancer.  A lawyer suggested to them that any chemical they were exposed to could have been a contributing factor.  They went over a myriad of products we all use and remain perfectly healthy.  They settled on Roundup because it contains glyophosphate, which “studies have shown” when ingested in large quantities such as drinking it straight from the container every day for thirty years may lead to a cancer event sometime in the future.  It was never proven.  They won. The farmer got about 750 thousand dollars right before he died.  The attorneys got over 560 million.

That is the beauty of a class action suit.  It satisfies the inherent revenge in everyone except the 2700 employees the makers of Roundup had to let go.  The attorneys did remark on their private 767 on their way to Fiji to celebrate their victory, “Who?” 

So it bugs me that people use other people to get wealthy at that person’s expense.  A lot like Congress, huh?  And most of them are scab kneed lawyers who make Michael Avenatti look like a rank amateur in the ability to fleece people who can ill afford to enrich themselves beyond our imaginations.  They are the epitome of everything flawed in humanity.

So I’m going to settle down here, and dream up new and innovative ways to extend the lives of Congressfucks who are being given their much needed justice after the purge.  Ways to make sure they are screaming themselves hoarse from the searing amplified pain of carefully applied ways and methods crafted to make them beg for death and be spared another minute in Mossberg’s Emporium of Lasting and Perpetual Agony.  I can’t think of a more deserving group……which will include career bureaucrats and activist judges. Those who certified fraudulent elections when they could have stopped them.  Non-Americans that merely live here.  Not illegals, they’re bad enough, but those who enabled them. Not muzz, fuck them, they’re going to be eliminated regardless of anything. No, those who possessed the power to make our country the best in the world because they were in a position to do so, but instead conspired to destroy our nation for scraps from the globalists table.  And…..Suffer they will!  In the meantime, we endure this shit from the same fucking people all fucking day and accept it.  Until we don’t. 

Then?  Hahaaaaaaaa, I’ll be booked for weeks.

Moss out