Mutant Zombies are Among Us!
Have you ever been relaxing in front of the fire, trying a new toddy recipe and noticing that the weather outside is playing no role in how your day is going? You chuckle to yourself, it’s the weekend, and you look around and give the weather the finger and laugh to yourself. Not because of what you just did, of course, but that you could. Sure, the week was rough, people continue to be total assholes in spite of themselves, but now? Now your feet are up, everything seems good, and you spend a bit of time reflecting on what could possibly be the realization that zombies may in fact, be real. Yes. Real.
No wait! Hear me out! I know you just said to yourself, OK, he’s lost it this time, but I’ve built hypothesis on my theory, that zombies do exist and they are walking among us, just not the obvious looking ones like from the Walking Dead show. Those are vegans. No, it’s come to my attention that animated brain dead automatons are existing as so called members of society and pretty much destroying everything they infect. They’re known as liberals. Or in a less scientific term, fuck faces. They are hiding in plain sight and we have become so attenuated to their presence we’ve grown used to them. Well, they shouldn’t be gotten used to, but instead gotten rid of and I’ll tell you why.
If there is anyone alive today that needs to have a block of C-4 carefully molded into the shape of an over-sized man sausage and jammed up their ass and welded into a steel container then immersed in fast drying concrete and detonated so all we hear is a muffled “whump”, as they are transformed from flesh and bone into an unrecognizable mass of protoplasmic jelly, it’s that stupid ignorant cock with eyes Adam Schiff. He’s the poster child for zombies as he mindlessly sets himself up to be ass raped with a cedar fence post embedded with broken glass while trying to appear as a modicum of leadership. But it’s not just him! The rest of those fawning slathering Democrat lap dogs, whimpering at the feet of the globalists who own them, are just as appallingly mindless as “Schiff-for-brains” himself. Imagine if you will, a group of elected officials all sitting around in an office looking for a way to take down President Trump suddenly coming up with the idea of impeaching him based on nothing. Zero. Nada.
I know I know……it’s patently ridiculous and guaranteed to fail like the last six totally fucking made up accusations and it will destroy the molecule of credibility the Dems had, but they do it anyway. They have what they call fact witnesses when in fact they aren’t witnesses at all. This is where the zombie thing starts to make sense, because no clear thinking human being would appear as a fact witness without any facts. Like Lt. Colonel Sanders Vindman. Like Brillo head Yovanovitch. Like the former Sondland, ambassador to local men’s rooms. Like the “That’s a man baby” Fiona Hill and her comical sidekick, what’s his dick. They heard. They thought. They were upset over what they overheard. They weren’t there but they heard the could have been. They assumed what they heard upset a friend who heard from another person who was in the Namibian desert, but read petroglyphs that indicated they should feel that what another person wrote on the wall of a Union 76 truck stop shitter wall could possibly be connected to another theory that a state department official dreamed in an LSD induced coma while trout fishing in the Andes mountains. That’s fact!!
This was all solid evidence that Trump “did something”. Was I the only one who watched this fucking high school play and imagined a Dillon Aero M-134 minigun mowing them down to howls of maniacal laughter as they tumbled from their chairs onto the floor screaming? Or hoping that their super secret Dems only clubhouse in the basement would suddenly be used for flame thrower and hand grenade practice? Of course I’m not the only one! That’s how you treat fucking zombies according to the zombie destruction manual published as far back as 1953 by a chain smoking psychopath looking at the local playground with evil intent while chewing on stale pork rinds he keeps in his underwear. A young Adam Schiff perhaps? These “stewards of our democracy” actually laughed and farted on national news. That’s how serious they are. But how is it that supposedly intelligent people actually do this over and over and over again thinking that somehow the end result will be different? I picture lots of Democrats walking around the hall in high school with “kick me” signs taped to their retarded backs. Yet here the fuck they are. Our vaunted “leaders”. Which leads me to offer my theory as to why half the fucking country seemingly has lost their piss pant minds.
Think about it. Society seems close to evenly split on its residents. Half are actual Americans who work hard, try to be happy, follow the rules, obey the laws and pretty much live the definition of a normal life. The other half does the opposite. They don’t work, they seethe in a puddle of pig shit hate, they are never ever satisfied and try to literally ruin everything they possibly can in a vain attempt to give their worthless lives meaning. You know exactly who I mean. You see them every day. In the fake news, at work, at stores, in your neighborhoods and yes, in your own families. Well I have an idea that may explain it. The cause I cannot fathom, but it’s effects are abundantly apparent. I call it a genetic mutation of DNA. I haven’t got the slightest idea of how or why because I’m not a fucking scientist and you aren’t either. But if you notice, every other person is affected by the liberal mutation. Stop it. Not every family! It’s a fucking theory, OK? But! One child is born normal. Grows up normal. Does everything normal. Like you and I! No, not you, you snowflake lurking ass licker, us! Normals! The reason this country flourished! Americans!!
Then, every other child is born with mutated DNA, now known as DNC. They are little snot nosed asshole kids. Disruptive in school. Bullies. Crybabies. They expect everything to be given to them. They hate you because you have what they want. They’re anti social. They cheat. They lie. They blame. They steal. They con. They do everything to be in charge and are unable to lead. They cause discord. They start rumors. They tattle. And they are smug. They think that they are superior to everything and everybody. They are in your face about it too. They are self loathing narcissistic cock snot gargling fuck noses. They always need a cause. Any kind of cause. As long as it goes against normal society. The cause!! Why? Cause they’re fucking miserable. They hate you because they hate themselves. It’s evident in everything they do. They’re happy when they destroy a persons life. They’re happy when entire cities become shit holes. They’re happy when everyone has to kowtow to their ideals or be punished. Their entire existence is built on a foundation of greed, loathing, hate and derision. Look around you! There the fuck they are! Wallowing in self pity disguised as self importance demanding the world conform to them because of their remarkable inability to conform to a normal society of live and let live. That’s why I think it’s genetics! Every other person doesn’t just choose to be a loser asshole who desperately needs to be beaten into a coma with pieces of oak firewood while vice grips pinch the raisin sized testicles in their nut sack and produces a curiously satisfying falsetto noise squeaking from their always running yaps. They are born that way! Any swish legged, man bun wearing, estrogen enhanced, spaghetti necked anus mouth who disagrees needs to report to the nearest LBGTQ center and tell those mongols that none of the gay crowd was “born that way”, or admit that they are in fact, born because of a genetic mutation in their DNA. My theory is unassailable. Half of this country wants us to live in poverty and sickness, misery and darkness. The other half wants to just be left the fuck alone and live in the greatest nation on earth. See? DNA= Americans! DNC= whatever the fuck they are.
So if the climate pukes can bleat about we are all gonna die, and the communists insist that they will take over, and the muzz think they have a fucking chance, which they especially do not, here’s Mossberg’s prediction for the coming years. We are not “all gonna die”. Trust me. But they are. Half of this country is in jeopardy of not being alive in a lot less than the 12 years “what’s-her-twat” barks about incessantly until people want to clear her throat with buckshot so she sounds better. It’s genetic!! They have the mutant gene. It’s obvious. We have the original gene. And the guns. So they can rail all they want about whatever has them pissing their panties this week. There isn’t fuck all they can do about it. Because in spite of their constant bullshit and made up biology, they all deep down want to live. they couldn’t pull their shit without us, the normals keeping everything in place. And they know it. And it adds to their seething anger. So they can just remember as they wallow in their delusional self pity and attendant anger at the world…….Be careful what you fucking wish for. You just might get it. And not in 12 years either.
Mutant zombies. Go figure!